I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
