I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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