You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
