I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
