he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
