Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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