She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
