is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
