lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
