Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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