Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
