What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
