We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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