brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
