Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
