So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
