What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
