yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
