gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
