Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize