I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
