This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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