He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize