so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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