By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize