Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
