There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
