Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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