I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
