Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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