dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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