OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize