How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
