normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
