Her vagina should come with caution tape.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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