cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
