So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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