I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
