I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
