there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
