dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
