she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize