if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
