you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
