Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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