There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
