Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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