id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
