just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
