Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
