I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
