I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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