we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
