chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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