you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
