The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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