Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
