How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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