mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
