He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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