dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
