My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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