I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
