i just wanna soil my oats bro
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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