I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
