By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
