so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You smell like stripper and shame
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
whose parrot is this?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
