I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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