the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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