If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
