I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
