so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
