I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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