Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So. Much. Porn.
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