im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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