SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
