How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
