Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
