the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize