I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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