My friends, they love my intelligence
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
