Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have aggressive nipples.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
