It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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