so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
