I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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