If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
