Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
