i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
