Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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