Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
