you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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