you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
